I have a character I wish I could emulate in life. Trey is happy-go-lucky, always in a great mood and never fails to find the humor in situations. In short, he’s the best things I loved about my mom. That’s not to say he doesn’t have problems, he just deals with them and quickly gets back to smiling (if he doesn’t laugh his way through).
The fact that I made him makes me think I have that ability, too. (Although, experts tell writers to create characters who are not like them…) Instead, my mood can easily sway with the winds swirling around me. I don’t know how to not take things personally or just keep them from affecting me.
Problems seem to have cropped up all at once lately. Nothing big—but in the absence of that, little things can blow out of proportion. I’ve been extremely stressed over this story for 3 years and it’s left me unable to handle pressure. We got some things fixed this week and I had surgery (that I was more worried about than I knew). But more stuff broke. The microwave timer is acting possessed, the dishwasher no longer is and the A/C zone in our office makes it always winter and never Christmas. (I don’t really mind the last one; I look good blue.)
Tonight, we went to see Snow White and the Huntsman. I wanted to like this movie; I really did. I might have without the audience. Couldn’t get into it because the guy next to me had to carry on a conversation with his woman and make fun of every little thing in the movie (much like the two girls who laughed their way through Padme’s funeral in Ep 3).
I finally said, “Really? You couldn’t wait ten minutes to have this conversation?”
Side note: I am one of those people who never says the right thing when I’m angry. Words come out wrong or fail me completely. *sigh* Humility. I should haz it.
He said, “Oh, so sorry.” (Yes, I deserved his sarcasm. But really?)
I replied with F you.
I never pictured myself this way. I always thought I’d be like Trey: handling life with aplomb (what a great word; makes me think of bombs).
I spent the next ten minutes berating myself for not handling that like a Christian, or at least asking him nicely. Thankfully, I calmed after that and nothing worse happened. Regardless, I didn’t like the movie. It is possible that I’m simply too critical. (Born of being so analytical, maybe?)
After we got home, we watched Nik Wallenda walk across Niagra Falls. All I could think was how calm he was—thanking God, or carrying on a conversation with his dad or the news crew—all while dealing with conditions that are difficult on solid ground, much less a high wire. It mirrored how I feel with this editing and with life in general.
It was inspiring.
I get it. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, I can make it, too. We’ll find a new dishwasher. We can replace the microwave (cue bionic music). We’ll call the A/C repairman…
So long as I have the occasional excursion to pull me out of myself, I can deal with life one moment at a time. I just wish I could do it without getting pissy and dropping F bombs.