Novel? What novel?

I’d say I’m disappointed in myself, but whatever.

I finally figured out how to state what’s been going on. There is a fine line between perfection and professionalism. I’m reaching for the latter, knowing that perfection is a myth. But every time I think I’ve hit it, someone finds something else that’s wrong. (The latest is TO BE = wrong wrong wrong/do not use at all costs.)

The editing is in shambles. Chapter 27 is currently broken all over my computer and in desperate need of a rebuild. Chaps 28-33 await the same fate. They need it. And I have big plans to fix things and answer questions my 1 amazing critique found. Big plans. And no motivation. None. Not since February have I seen forward motion in this area that doesn’t look like I’m writing the next See Spot Run.

Chapters 1 and 2 have been reworked so many times that I’m not even sure they’re from the same story anymore. Chapters 3 to 9 have been gone over sixteen billion times and desperately need some more editing. Chapters 10 to 22 could use a lot of work. I’ve got notes up the ying yang—these after the huge list of changes I already made. Chapters 23-26 should have been perfect…should have been.

And in all of this, I simply wish for a mentor, a person who can take my novel and help me (correctly) apply what I’ve learned. Erm, not going to happen. Stop dreaming, writer.
Since this is November. I decided to do Nano again to help me get back into the story. I got 3700 words before life got in the way. This sucks. I used to know how to write before I discovered the rules.

All of this may sound like I’m depressed as hell. I’m honestly not. I’m just stating the facts, and they don’t look good. I do (should) have the next two days to just write. We’ll see how that goes.


2 thoughts on “Novel? What novel?

  1. Mysti Parker says:

    Jen, I completely understand where you’re coming from. Even though my first book started out so terribly rough and short and was horrible, once I accepted good critiques and got into the swing of it, I wrote with wild abandon. As I’ve continued with book 2 and now into book 3, I’ve let too many outside voices fuel my own raging self-doubt. That’s why I’m backing off surfing on social media for a while. Posts on Facebook, for instance, tend to annoy or depress me.

    Though I still value my critique partners on CC, I have to shut down more than I have been to the outside influences and not take the criticism too seriously until it comes down to editing. I know that’s where you are now, but even then, you have to learn to trust your instincts. If the story FEELS right, it probably is. Now, I’ll just repeat this to myself… 🙂

  2. “I’ve let too many outside voices fuel my own raging self-doubt.”
    Soooo true. Seems like every time someone says something it makes me 2nd (and 3rd) guess everything.
    “Posts on Facebook, for instance, tend to annoy or depress me.”
    I thought I was the only one that had that reaction. =)

    “…you have to learn to trust your instincts. If the story FEELS right, it probably is.”
    The problem with this is that new writers don’t know what they don’t know. I thought the story was done and great when I finished editing it back in 2010. Then I went to a conference and learned about advanced writing techniques.
    Since then, I’ve been thrown for loop after loop while trying to learn how to do things the “right” way. I’m fortunate that I’m able to learn what the editor I’m pitching for likes since this person has written several books about writing technique. Unfortunately, the more I learn, the less my novel is ready. I want it to be the best it can be. I no longer trust myself to know when that is.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s